Making A Home

Community News

This was a bit of a shocker to wake up to.  An historic middle school in our town bas been burning for the last 6 1/2 hours.

I have family members that went to that school (not currently), and it's one of those buildings that's just ALWAYS been there.  (So far it still is, but the damage sounds pretty intense.) 

It's just a block from the church I grew up in and got married at.

They'd been working on retrofitting and remodeling it for the last few years.  It's a shame that all that money is wasted, too.

 
The school is closed for the next 2 days, while they figure out where to re-assign the 600 students.  But beyond that, there's the teachers to consider... and all those books... it's sad.

Fall Afternoon

Some days are difficult with my children and their special needs.

And some days are idyllic...

Like a rainy fall afternoon in the Pacific Northwest, baking snickerdoodles and sipping cider.

 

A Tooth!

My eight year old finally lost his first tooth.  When he came home at 13 months old, he had ONE tooth... so he was slow getting them, and slow losing them.  He actually pulled it out on the drive home the night we handed over Tyler and Hailey to their new family.

That night he said he wanted to put it under his pillow (we've been over the "Tooth Fairy" with him - he knows it's not real).  But he insisted he wanted to play along anyway.  I said "You want me to lie to you?"  And he said he did.  I had every intention of playing along, for his sake, but when I checked early in the evening, he hadn't put the tooth under the pillow yet... I fell asleep, and he was up before me in the morning.  He came to me first thing and said "Mom, you forgot."  Oops!  But he forgave me, and was willing to take the original offer - a pack of sugarless gum, which was what I got for each lost tooth when I was a kid, and what we intend to do for future teeth. 

I forgot to take a picture for the blog until a couple of weeks later - and by then the new tooth was most of the way in!

The day they left...

We celebrated their birthdays.  Both are this month, and I'd already been buying gifts before we learned they were leaving so soon.  They woke up to our usual tradition of balloons on their breakfast chair.  We gave them their gifts (heel skates for Hailey - she really liked the ones Hallie got for her birthday, Wii Lego Star Wars for Tyler - his favorite video game, and the one he came with was for PS2 and we just have a Wii.  There were other gifts, too.)

 

We grabbed breakfast for the road and headed to the zoo for the day.  On 2 previous visits we'd promised Tyler that NEXT TIME we would go see the Wolves (his Cub Scout Rank this year was Wolf).  This was our last chance.

There were several reasons we chose the zoo for this last day.  The wolf promise was one.  Another was the distance from home.  The original plan was to meet just 30 minutes from our home, at 5:00.  I didn't want any of us to face coming straight home to an "empty" house, so the futher distance, coupled with dinner would take up that extra time.  Also, obviously the zoo is fun, and we wanted to make one last memory with these children.  But one really big reason, was because of the kind of day it would be - we wanted to spend the day together doing something fun, but have enough downtime to make it easy for the children to talk with us if they needed to.

But back to the wolves.  We headed straight to the "Northwest Trail" to try and spot those elusive canines.  No luck on the first pass, though we did get a nice photo of Tyler in the fake wolf den (just in case that was the best we could do.  The "realistic habitats" can make the animals hard to spot.) 

We continued around the loop, saw the bears, the otters, elk, eagles, and spent a LONG time at the end viewing area, hoping and praying (yes, literally) to spot a wolf.  Nada.  We contined back around the trail, slowly, looking in every clearing and wooded area.  When we got back to the beginning, where we'd first tried to see the wolves, we ran into a woman whose words made my heart sink.  "I've been coming to this zoo since 2002", she said, "and never once have I seen those wolves.  I wonder if they really have any."  A couple of the children were climbing around the wolf den again, so we hung out for just a couple more minutes.  Then my eyes caught something light through the trees.  I GRABBED Tyler and held him up high so he could spot it, too.  We saw a wolf.  Then 2 minutes later, another.  Between the two sightings, all of the children got to see one.  It was such a huge blessing.

We hit a lot of our favorite exhibits that day - the penguins, the petting zoo, the gorillas - and spent time in both the outdoor play area (the Habitat Discovery Loop) and the indoor play area (The Zoomazium.)

 

Time spent in the Zoomazium was HARD.  That was our last stop of the day, but there was still a lot of time to kill.  The time drug on and on.  Brian equated it to awaiting your execution.  About 3:30 we started heading out of the zoo for the parking lot. 

We got cupcakes from our car (the final step of celebrating their birthdays) and ate them at a picnic table at the park adjoining the parking lot.  After that we let the kids play on the playground, but it wasn't long before their great aunt and uncle arrived. 

We called the children over.  Hailey was incredibly friendly and excited.  Tyler stayed right by my side, and even hid behind me a bit while we were first talking with the family.  Sam and Hallie did their best to avoid the area.  Hallie resisted being called over at all.  When I insisted she screamed "NO!  I don't want to celebrate them leaving!!" which is not exactly what was happening, but I got her point.  This wasn't OK and she didn't want to pretend that it was... like I had to.  When it was time to go, we walked to the vans, got the last of their things and watched them jump into the new vehicle as if it was the most natural thing in the world.  I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.  When they drove away, our family lost it.  Hallie was SCREAMING and the rest of us were crying.  Sam just kept saying "I hate this, I hate this, this is STUPID."... not words we generally let him say, but they seemed somehow appropriate this time.

We got gas in the van.  We drove North to Everett and stopped at Red Robin for dinner.  (We made a family decision, unanimously, about whether to "eat now and cry later or cry now and eat later.")  We were given a big round table, but took up only about a third of it... the children weren't willing to be anywhere not touching one of us.  Even the baby, though it's hard to know how much she comprehended... was terribly fussy, didn't eat much, and had to be on my lap through most of the meal. 

Not 30 minutes into our drive home, we had to wake Sam from a nightmare.  He dreamed the aunt and uncle offered to take Hallie, too, and we let them. 

Historical Harvest Party

We were thrilled to be invited to a Historical Harvest Party this year.  What kid doesn't love the chance to dress up?  And since we try to avoid the whole Halloween thing (and prefer to replace it with something BETTER), this was perfect.

Sam chose to go as John Chapman.  Sam is so much more of a "non-fiction" boy than a fiction reader.  Johnny Appleseed and Nathan Hale have been two of his favorites over the past year, and for my sake of costume-making, I'm glad he chose Johnny!

Hallie at first wanted to go as Sojourner Truth, but I think she thought she couldn't pull it off with her very fair skin, despite my insisting it would be fine.  She insisted on changing her choice to Sacagawea and we set about planning a costume.  We have a real, live Native American in our home that could have played the role of Pomp... except that I doubt there's enough disparity in weight between our pudgy toddler and our skinny six year old for Hallie to have carried Natalie on her back!  So she had to settle for Natty's doll.

The children each made a poster of their character and a few details about their lives, then gave a short presentation at the party.  Sam, at one point was asked the follow-up question "Why did John plant apple seeds?" and I'm told (though I didn't hear it myself), his response was "That's a very good question!  My mom didn't teach me that!" 

 

In addition to the costumes and presentations by each child (ages 3 to 12), there was a delicious potluck dinner and dessert, and even a bit of social time with some other great families.

When traditions come back to bite you...

We just finished up our current Read-Aloud moments ago.  (All-of-a-Kind Family, by Sydney Taylor).  Sam asked when we were going to watch the movie for it.  It's a fair question... we generally do watch the corresponding movie when we finish a book.  Guess it's been a while since we read a book WITHOUT a movie to go with it.  I looked online to see if there was one, and I think I shocked Sam with the answer.

Mama: "Sorry Sam, there isn't a movie for this book."

Sam: "There's ISN'T??? Then what did we read it for?!"

Another Natalie Update

Well, the court date proceeded as scheduled... but no progress was made.  Basically, we found out she'll be with us through Christmas (and her 2nd birthday).  There's another court date scheduled for January.  "So, we've been put back into a holding pattern while we see if we have enough fuel to land."

(That was a quote from our pilot on a flight into Chicago in a thunderstorm back in 2000. I thought it was hilarious... Brian, not so much.  But I thought it fitting for this situation.) 

Sloppy Joes

The party we went to last nght was a potluck.  I brought a big crockpot of sloppy joe filling and rolls to put it on.  I made a quadruple batch, and it was nearly gone.  A couple of friends asked me to post the recipe on my blog. 

I "developed" this recipe the same way I do most of mine... I start with a few different recipes found online, then combine them and adjust to my own personal tastes and the things we usually have on hand.

Sloppy Joes

1 cup tomato sauce
1 cup ketchup
1 tsp yellow (prepared) mustard
1 Tbsp dried minced onion
2 Tbsp green bell pepper, diced really fine
1 tsp garlic salt
1/2 tsp celery salt
3/4 tsp chili powder
1 tsp worcestershire sauce
1 Tbsp brown sugar

Combine all ingredients, simmer about 10 minutes.  Add 1 lb cooked ground beef.  Simmer a little longer.  Serve on rolls or hamburger buns.

I personally love anything that can be cooked in the crockpot.  And especially anything that can be yanked from the freezer, dropped with a "clink!" into the crockpot and forgotten about until dinnertime.  This is totally one of those meals. 

Freezer Meal instructions: Measure the ingredients into a ziplock bag instead, (you can add the cooked ground beef now or when it's time to cook it), smoosh the bag to mix the ingredients and toss it in the freezer.  On the day you want it, remove it from the bag, drop it in the crockpot and cook for about 4-5 hours on high. 

If you try it, let me know what you think!

"Natalie" Update

Natalie's social worker came for a visit last night.  Here's the vague synopsis:

Both parents have a long history with DCFS (or the tribal equivalent).  All of their older children were removed from their home very early in their lives.  Between substance abuse and incarcerations (unfortunately, the standard story for the parents of many kids in foster care), they just aren't showing they can pull it together to parent. 

There is a court date set for Wednesday.  At that time, the social worker will be recommending the permanent plan be changed from reunification to adoption.  However... this is tribal court, with arguably the most resistant tribe in the state when it comes to adoption.  They won't even say it.  They call it "the A word."  We are told they only approve it in extreme circumstances... but that the history with these parents may make this extreme enough.

However... that's just hurdle number one.  Some other upcoming hurdles:

- We're a white family.  Very white.  With very blond little children.  (We didn't set out looking for very white children, but it's what God has given us so far.)  Being a white family doesn't give us favor when it comes to adopting this sweet little Native toddler.  There seems to be a lack of ready and waiting Native families, however... so if the tribe decides she needs to be adopted and there aren't any Native families available for her, we may be a viable option.  When I asked how likely... the answer was "we just don't know."  Understandable, but not encouraging.

- When the plan gets changed to "adoption"... that's sometimes when people who have never been able to pull themselves togther finally do.  There is still a chance these birthparents could surprise everybody.

- Relatives.  Oh yes.  There is still a chance that relatives could come forward in this case and snatch her away, just like we had to go through with Tyler and Hailey. 

So in some ways we are encouraged (knowing it could be THIS WEEK that her plan could be changed to adoption and soon after, the termination process started.)

In other ways... we are discouraged.  So many obstacles.  So unlikely.

We got a call this week about a 2 year old boy that needed a home for a few days.  I couldn't do it.  The coming and going was fine before our kids were home and we were on the road to adoption.  But now that they are gone, and now that this one is in limbo, I don't think I can handle the revolving door.  We just want OUR kids, and the chance to be a family.

Her social worker brought up the fact that if they don't change the plan to adoption, they tribe may ask if we are willing to do guardianship.  Brian and I talked about it after he left and as harsh as it may sound, we decided we aren't open to that.  We love this little girl, but we want to be a real family.  We don't want to have to consult the social worker so he can check with the birthparents to get permission to cut our child's hair or let her go to camp, or whatever.  We don't want to be "just" her foster parents for the rest of her childhood.  We want children of our own.

We called our adoption worker today...

We told her we think we might be ready.  That if a child's profile comes across her desk... a child that needs a permanent family... a child that sounds right for OUR family... that she shouldn't be afraid to call. 

Thank you all for your prayers over these past weeks.  It's evident to us that this depth and speed of healing can only be attributed to God.  It defies all other explanation.  We are doing so well.

And we're back in the saddle.

P.S. Natalie's social worker should be stopping by tomorrow afternoon.  We hope for good news.