When there's so much you can't say? When the cute pictures can't be shown? I'll do my best, but a lot is lacking. Details and photos I'll have to fill in when we do our blog book for this year. (So yes, the photos look this way on purpose.) Where do I begin?
Monday.
We met at a park in Marysville at 10am. When we arrived, the children were there with their aunt and cousins, another uncle (K) and their social worker. The children all played in the playground for a while, then we wandered over to the garden area, then down to the big pond, where the children all hunted for snails... until after the other uncle (married to the aunt) arrived and their 3 year old fell in the pond, up to his forehead. His dad was right there and quickly fished him out. Hallie freaked out a bit (remember the water incident?) ran away from the pond and curled up on a nearby bench. She was fairly easily consoled, but not at all arguing when we all headed up to the parking lot so the little one could get into some dry clothes.
Next we planned to take some photos. I got some of all the children together (Sam and Hallie, T & H, and their cousins that have been their brother and sister for the past year.) I also got one of the children with their birthfamily that was in attendance... all but the one uncle (K) who chose to stay out. I had hoped to get some photos of all of us together, and of our new family, but it was difficult with our social worker not being there to help orchestrate, and the children's social worker not giving any guidance... that left me to be the "cruise director." And it's not my strong point. So I settled for the photos of the children and the birthfamily and didn't push things.
Next was cupcakes. Everyone had one (except that same uncle K), then we headed back to the vehicles to transfer the last of the children's belongings. The reactions to the transition were almost exactly like the reactions to the FTDM meeting when we all first met (except Brian wasn't there for that one). Aunt R cried, a lot, understandably. Uncle J shut down as his way of coping. Uncle K was Mr. Support person, often speaking for J & R when they couldn't. And I... stood there, awkwardly, knowing this was one of the happiest days of our lives and one of the most miserable days for the birthfamily.
T & H cried just briefly, while saying goodbye to Aunt R, who was already weeping. H said "I don't want to leave you" to her aunt, but also climbed happily into her booster in our car. So many mixed emotions, I'm sure. Their birthfamily gave them photo albums, and also a book of handprints and notes from cousins and friends. What a treasure to come to their new home with something so tangible from their last home.
We had a late departure from the park (by about an hour, but how do you break up a teary good-bye and say "well, gotta go!") It was already 1:00, so we hit a McD's for lunch. The children had happy meals and played in the playland. Some bolts on the slide scratched up T's back something awful! 2 days later, he has scabs along his spine. But he's a tough kid when he wants to be.
We gave H a children's dramamine for the drive home (she gets carsick), and she fell asleep for most of the ride. We brought in their belongings, and cut the ropes that were used to tie their bikes to the top of our van, then put the bikes in the shed, as they are in need of all new innertubes. It was well after 3 by this time, and Diane offered to drop Natalie (R) back at our house on the way to taking her daughter to gymnastics. This thrilled H, of course, who couldn't wait to see the baby.
To keep dinner that evening easy and celebratory, we picked up hot-n-ready pizzas from Little Caesar's. I took H with me to get them, and on the way home she told me she missed Aunt R. What could I say? "Of course you do, honey. You love each other, and I bet she's missing you right now, too." We got one cheese, one Hawaiian, and one "Meat Trio." They ate all but a 1/2 a pizza, and may have eaten more if we hadn't run out of the all-cheese one! The children wound down with a movie (Lilo and Stitch) while I ran to the store for the supplies for banana splits. One more way we celebrated Homecoming Day.
Bedtime went fine, though they took quite a while to settle (Sam and Hallie, too.) At about 9:30, T finally broke down. He cried and said he missed Aunt R. Brian was in the room at the time and consoled him in much the same way I did with H. "I can understand that. And you can talk to us about that whenever you're missing people. They love you and we love you." They were all asleep by 10.
Tuesday.
Things still went fine on the second day, the children all had battles of loyalty "How come you like her more than you like me?" (That was H to T, about Hallie, but there were plenty of similar ones.) It was a rough day food-wise. We do require the children to eat 2 bites of everything. At breakfast they ate 2 bites of oatmeal (with at least that much brown sugar on it, but I wasn't fighting that battle on the first full day). Despite the fact we had lots of options for toppings (cocount, brown sugar, raisins, craisins, chopped nuts, butter, milk and sliced banana), I couldn't talk them into any more than that. Lunch was my rice-cooker casserole (rice, vermicelli, chicken, and broccoli). Again, 2 bites, plus a few extra apple slices. Dinner was homemade mac & cheese. FINALLY, they ate. They spent the afternoon asking when snack time was (we don't eat an afternoon snack), then looked crestfallen when they were later informed we don't have a bedtime snack either. That will be a hard adjustment, no doubt. Especially along with eating so much homemade, from-scratch food. They are picky, but compliant about the 2-bite rule. It was SAM who at lunch tried to hide his rice in a napkin and throw it away, and at dinner hid all his peas under his tray. Oh, the joys.
That evening we had a visit (she called that morning) from a transition specialist, an in-home therapist who will help the children (new and old) adjust to the new family and help us deal with any emotional or behavioral issues that come up. This counselor is a jewel. She worked with this family before the children were removed from their birthmom, knows just about every family member (and the dysfunction therein), and was able to share a bit more with us about what she's seen. She also worked with the children again when they moved in with their aunt and uncle a year ago. The children remember and adore her. She has a special fondness for these children and was willing in an instant to make the hour and a half drive (each way) weekly during the first weeks or months of their transition. I think she's going to be a big help.
She didn't leave until almost 9, so bedtime was late. H cried last night, so she and I looked through some of their photo albums together. Then T and I looked at some of the photos of his birthfamily that he and I posted on the walls above his bed when they first arrived. It seemed to help a lot.
Both children have complained of headaches since coming home. I can totally understand them having headaches with all the stress of these massive changes. At the same time, our other children would say just about anything for a dose of medicine, so we are really careful with that. It's been a tough decision each time, but have encouraged lying still to help the headache before giving in to Tylenol. T got a children's Tums the first night home for a tummy ache, too. (Again, I can totally understand having a tummy ache with all that's going on for them!)
Today we invited Grandma and Grandpa Wheeler over for lunch. We're introducing the children to our friends and family a little at a time, hoping to not overwhelm them. Tomorrow night, I imagine they'll meet great grandparents and a great aunt, when we have people over for cake for Sam's birthday.
So far, so good. Not perfect, of course, but I prefer that. Enough little (tiny) squabbles and concerns that it at least feels real, not like a fantasy.
