Today was our first reacquainting visit with Tyler and Hailey. It was so good to see them, to hug them, to tell them I love them. They've grown. Definitely taller. Tyler's quieter, and not so silly. But still the same children.
They've picked up some habits (like name-calling) that will take a while to re-train. They've started talking about some of the memories of the time they were with birthmom... and that's not pretty. They are wounds that need to be opened and exposed to be healed, but it's ugly stuff. We'll learn more about that when we read their state records tomorrow, but I have a feeling those hold only a portion of what the children have to disclose when they've been here long enough to feel comfortable doing that.
It was enlightening to sit around a kitchen counter sipping coffee with two of their aunts (the one that had them prior to us, and the one that has had them after), and compare experiences. Many of the things we've seen are the same, some are different. And they anticipate birthmom is going to have an absolute tizzy fit when she sees the three of us walk into the courtroom for her termination hearing together. Is it bad that part of me thinks that will be just a little bit fun to watch?
About 10 miles from their home, I heard honking and their other aunt and uncle pulled up next to us on the freeway, pointing and waving a purse... signalling that I'd forgotten mine at the house, so we turned around, got the purse, let the kids go potty at a coffee shop (Brian had to buy a muffin to afford them the privelege), picked up a pizza (and saw their custodial uncle at the same pizza place, picking up pizza for their family for dinner, too), then hopped back on the freeway... a full hour after we'd headed home the first time.
Praying that things work out. These children deserve stability and it's nice to see everyone looking out for their best interests. It will be healthy for them to grow up with a Mom and Dad and brother and sister. While living with family can be nice and I understand family not wanting to let go having PARENTS is important. And to come from what sounds like a bad bad childhood...cutting the cord with the birth mother will do these children a world of good. To know she really can't hurt them ever again. Good Luck!
Posted by: kris | 03/29/2010 at 06:23 AM
Wonderful! Even four years after our sib group came home from the Philippines, we are still learning new things. We had little information about what really happened to them there and I'm sure there are things we will never learn, but they do feel safe now opening up and sharing. We often find certain behaviors so confusing and I'm guessing we may never really understand it all, but we love them and let them talk and hope that the old hurts will heal.
I will be watching for an update after Monday!
Posted by: Debbie | 03/31/2010 at 07:09 AM