Finally I got ahold of the social worker, so we know a bit more about why baby K is in our home. The initial info we got was a bit off, it seems. Nothing I can share, of course, but it gives us more insight into K's needs and whether she'll be with us longer... and I'm not thinking she's leaving any too soon. Birthparents no-showed for a visit this week (then claimed they didn't know there was one, even though we had discussed it at length not 24 hours before.)
But, even if that sounds "good" for the possibility of keeping her... it sounds like there's a line ahead of us: a few relatives, plus the adoptive family of an older sibling who would also want her. Does the foster family who has put in the work and bonded with her get any priority? The others are all out of the area, so she's with us to facilitate birthparent visits... but I'm not sure how that jives with "relatives get first priority" and all that... does that just mean for permanency? So the foster family does the myriad of appointments, gets up every night with her and handles the demands of a newborn, only to hand her over when she starts smiling, laughing and sleeping through the night? I have no idea. After the last year or so, I won't try to predict anything.
But... she's growing wonderfully (a full pound up from her birth weight now, at 1 month old), healthy (other than a short cold earlier this week), and is becoming more and more alert. Sleep is still unpredictable. She gave us 2 bursts of 5 hours the night before last, but then just when I was getting my hopes up, she was up every 2-3 hours again last night. She does have a sad little diaper rash that we are trying to fight off, and no doubt that contributes to the sleep disturbances.
I'm trying to project toward Christmas... I've bought the main gifts (and several stocking stuffers) for the other members of my household, but I'm not sure what to do about K. Will she still be here at Christmas? Yes, I know she'll only be 3 months old and will absolutely not notice if she has gifts, but it would bother me if she didn't, so I'm collecting a few small items for her stocking, with the thought that they can be saved for baby gifts for others if she leaves us before then. (Remember C left us last year on December 23rd! I do have a couple small things I had purchased for her that I can tuck in K's stocking, as well. There's just no definites when it comes to foster care.)
Maybe when she leaves we need to tell our agency we'll wait for what we asked for 9 years ago (when God brought us Sam)... under 18 months and likely adoptable. Or maybe we need to figure out how to make a homemade one. Of course now I'd be "Advanced Maternal Age." Blah.
Oh Hillary, My heart is pulled for you. What a battle of emotions. I keep picturing how perfectly she fit into your arms when you visited. Enjoy holding her each moment and day for tomorrow seems so uncertain.
~Hugs~
Posted by: Miykal Gates | 10/29/2010 at 11:06 AM
Hey, as someone who is currently pregnant, and Advanced Maternal Age, it isn't that bad. I get to see the high risk doctor along with my own OB. So, extra chances to see and hear the baby. Not bad. LOL Cracked me up when I was pregnant with Stella that I was "AMA", but I guess I was since I was over 35 even then. Now, I would agree, being as I am close to 40. Ok, enough about that...
I hope that you will be taken into consideration as you are the ones she is bonding with now! You ARE the ones doing all the hard, unpredictable work--figuring out a newborns sleep schedule is HARD!. Hang in there and enjoy her beyond measure. You guys are AWESOME!
Posted by: Carrie | 10/29/2010 at 11:25 AM
It IS so sad when you think of it that way--you really are putting in all the hard work. Although the brand-new baby stage is my favorite--they just cuddle up under your chin, and look around with that sweet confused look in their eyes!
It seems that, as hard as this is for you, it really is good for little K. She is with a loving, caring family who is taking care of all her needs (and appointments!) and having a chance to bond & attach. It's WAY better for her to attach to you and then have to leave you, than to be with someone who doesn't properly attach with her.
I hope & pray that whatever is best for Baby K will be what her social workers strive for (and hopefully that's with you!). :)
Posted by: Colleen | 10/29/2010 at 11:38 AM
Hey Hil- if you want to call me we can talk about how the "system" works with relative first.. We had G a year and they were going to move her so know that is a possibility. Your state worker should have requested gifts for her. Treehouse buys a major gift for all kids in care. Ask soon- the deadline is now. Take care- hoping for a few more 5 hour nights!
Posted by: Stacy | 10/29/2010 at 12:25 PM
Advanced Maternal Age ROCKS!! lol :)
Prayers for baby and her future and for her adoring foster family too.
Hugs
Posted by: Sarah | 10/29/2010 at 02:03 PM
I've been AMA twice now, I highly recommend it! Baby K is so sweet and fits so nicely in your sling. I didn't even get a chance to hold her. I will pray for your family and for your heart.
Posted by: Carolynn Slocum | 10/30/2010 at 09:26 PM
Hilary,
I admire you so much for being able to love this baby the way she needs even knowing it could be heartbreaking for you.
As for advanced maternal age, I'm now an elderly grand multipara. How awful does that sound?
Posted by: Kara | 10/31/2010 at 11:57 PM
Someday, when I get brave I would like to talk to you more about foster care. I always thought I couldn't do it because of homeschooling, but you do it and I think you are amazing (and I only know you from afar)!
Posted by: Nikki | 11/01/2010 at 05:02 PM
Try olive oil for the diaper rash. Something about the enzymes that works like a charm even when 2 prescriptions didn't.
Posted by: Karen | 11/02/2010 at 09:28 AM