I just got off the phone with Baby K's social worker. Sigh...
They are still working on a homestudy for an elderly relative. Too elderly in my (and much of the department's) opinion to take responsibility for a newborn... but they still have to do the homestudy and ride it out and see what the perception is in that county. (In this state, the county makes all the difference - they interpret and carry out policies completely differently in one county compared to the next.)
Assuming that falls through (and really, I'd be surprised if it didn't), we still have another relative to contend with. The family that has just recently adopted Baby K's older brother wants the baby. And I understand that, I really do... if a sibling was "available" for one of my other children, I'd want that baby, too! But we are the only family K has ever known. She recognizes us, she adores her siblings, shares big grins and jabbers at daddy and absolutely LIGHTS UP (and DANCES!) when she sees me. She is by all accounts completely and healthily attached, just as she should be at this age. To move her and break that attachment... breaks my heart. I've seen what broken attachment does to a child. We're still dealing with that in some of our older children. But big brother is a "relative"... and especially in this county, relatives matter above all else. Above her attachment, adjustment and emotional well-being, it seems.
The state is starting the parental rights termination process. It could take a while, but you just never know. While in most adoption cases, TPR (termination of parental rights) is an exciting and long-awaited process for an adoptive family... in this case, once TPR happens, it's almost certain Baby K will be removed from our home and placed with her brother. So TPR works very much AGAINST us. The SW predicts our chances right now at about 50%.
Birthmom has said if the state does NOT approve the older relative, she wants K to stay with us. But she has a history of instability when it comes to decision making. At this point, our only chance of keeping Baby K in our family (adopting her) comes down to a precise set of events:
1) the older relative's homestudy being denied
2) termination NOT going through anytime too soon
3) the birthparents having enough clarity to follow through with their original decision to relinquish to us
4) the birthparents signing the relinquishment papers BEFORE they change their minds again and before the state feels like they have to make that decision for them... because they'll have to follow "policy", and that means placing with big brother.
Please pray.
That stinks Hilary. If you could somehow convince mom to relinquish ASAP to you she could then have communication, but my understanding is that if the state terminates parental rights, there isn't a need for a communication agreement. But that could just be my experience. We didn't even have that option (not that we necessarily would have taken it with Josh and Hannah). Hope that makes sense. I really hope, and PRAY, that Baby K gets to stay in the only home she has ever known...yours.!
Posted by: Carrie | 03/31/2011 at 05:53 PM
Praying for your family and baby K. I remember how difficult and insane it seemed at times when we were foster parents. I wish the system would see what is best for the baby instead of their policies.
Blessings,
Dawn
Posted by: dawn | 03/31/2011 at 06:46 PM
:(
So frustrated with the system.
Praying, specifically, that the birthparents will choose YOU.
Posted by: Stacy | 03/31/2011 at 09:54 PM
Breaks my heart even thinking about this precious attachment being broken. Am praying. HUGS!
Posted by: Amy Madden | 04/01/2011 at 01:28 PM
Praying here. ((((hugs))))
Posted by: Nikki | 04/05/2011 at 12:02 PM
Praying that Baby K can stay with her family.
Posted by: Kathy K | 04/18/2011 at 11:17 AM
I read Bakers' Dozen. I can't tell you how much your story breaks my heart. For you guys and for Baby K. I hope things work out for you (and Baby K). that is, I hope that sequence of events happen. Where was the older bro's family before when Baby K was born? I don't get why they would give a child to you long enough to attach etc and then go "oh, hang on, we might move her now." I know that is probably simplified but it still seems insane. xx.
Posted by: Lou | 04/19/2011 at 06:36 AM