What is the difference between Attachment Therapy and traditional therapies?

Found this article that explains a bit of why we are driving so far for Molly's therapy.  In our area there are no Attachment Therapists.  There are counselors in abundance.  Molly has seen several.  In all (between our home and others), she has seen FIVE counselors, and has conned them all.  (And it's not necessarily the counselor's fault... these children are VERY charming. Several have relayed what a "sweet child" she is... and that's not the child we generally see at home.)  Children with Attachment Disorder do that... they con, control, lie, triangulate and manipulate.  And traditional therapies (play therapy, talk therapy, etc) do not work for these children.  In fact often, these therapies hurt them more, because everytime they con another counselor (or teacher, or other adult), they feel more powerful and their hearts get sicker. 

This week's visit with Molly's therapist was another positive experience.  Some further evaulations gave us areas of concern we wouldn't have been aware of otherwise, giving us the ammo to keep everyone safer.  (And yes, I believe they were accurate, as I observed the whole evaluation... and I've gotten pretty good at knowing when Molly is lying.) 

Our daughter needs someone trained to heal a heart and mind that have been through the kinds of things she has endured - trauma and broken attachments.  We are thankful to have found someone who is highly skilled in this area, even if we have to make a long drive each week to see him, and even if we do end up having to foot the bill.  This article from attachment.org explains that more in-depth.

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A child with cancer should be taken to a doctor who specializes in cancer. A child with an abscessed tooth should not be taken to a proctologist for healing. A child with Reactive Attachment Disorder needs treatment for the condition they have. A therapist who is not trained to deal with the extreme level of behavior and manipulation that a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder has, can do more harm than good.

Attachment therapy uses the mother as the change agent to heal the broken bond between mother and child. Traditional therapy leaves the mother in the waiting room, not a part of the healing of the child. Attachment therapy focuses on building trust in the child toward the mother, traditional therapies deal with building trust in the child toward the therapist.

Traditional therapies have consistently failed with children with Reactive Attachment Disorder because these therapies such as, talk therapy, play therapy, sand tray therapy, are based on establishing a relationship with the client and then using that relationship as a trust base to help the child deal with their issues. I heard of one therapist, calling himself an Attachment therapist, that wasted fifteen months of a child’s life in weekly therapy sessions. He told the parents that he was working on establishing trust with this child with RAD so that he could begin to work on the child’s issues. He had decided that the child was not ready to deal with tough issues, while he continued to charge the parents the $100 a week for this quackery. If you had a toothache and three months later the dentist had not been able to resolve it or at least improve it, would you change dentists? Would you wait fifteen months? Unless I see significant improvement within six months I will look elsewhere for a new therapist.

Therapists trained in attachment work confront issues with the child in a timely manner. Realizing the painful issues of the child’s abuse/abandonment/neglect/pain are carried inside the child every minute and every day of their life. Surgeons don’t wait until a tumor’s big enough to take it out. Attachment therapists don’t wait until the child’s childhood is over, family destroyed, months and years of learning opportunities wasted before dealing with vital issues.

Children with Attachment Disorder lie, manipulate and con. If they are taken behind closed doors with an adult who doesn’t live with the child, the child will use that opportunity to fine-tune their skills in manipulating, conning and lying to the therapist. This causes tremendous regression in the child’s behavior. Attachment therapists base the progress of the therapy on the child’s behavior at home, not the façade the child shows in the office. An attachment therapist is skilled at breaking through that façade and getting to the real child so that they can express their feelings and embrace honesty. As a child is able to become emotionally honest about their feelings in therapy, they are more likely to volunteer the truth about other things. A therapist working with a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder must be trained to listen to the child’s behavior not their words, to actively listen to the child’s feelings not their words. Loving acceptance by the mother of the child’s genuine feelings is a vital part of the bonding work. The rage that comes out continually with the child’s behavior must be released in a therapeutic environment in order for everyone to be safe. This rage release often takes three to five hours. Feelings cannot be rushed or compressed into the typical 50-minute hour.

Eye contact, touch, movement, smiles and the sharing of sugar between the mother and child are keys to bonding that the Attachment therapist works toward in each session. Dr. Foster Cline says, "It takes about one month for every year of age that the child is, to complete the majority of the healing." So, a five year old would require about five months of therapy, a ten year old about ten months. If the child has been placed out of the home in the previous two years the time doubles. If there is an organic problem such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, the time needed to heal is unpredictable.

Attachment therapy is used to dissipate the rage in order that the heart to heart connection can begin. More traditional therapies such as talk therapy, play therapy, and sand tray therapies can then be beneficial. A child with a broken heart needs a therapist who knows how to mend that heart. A trained Attachment therapist has the tools to do the job.

Comments

[Carrie]

That makes such perfect sense. I am so glad you found an attachment therapist, but so sorry you have to drive down here and pay for it yourself. That part stinks. But in the end, it will be so worth it:)

[Dawn]

I am so happy you found an attachment therapist. We went through so many therapist before finding an attachment therapist. It is worth the drive. Praying all goes well. Be aware that she may get worse for a little while.
Blessings,
Dawn

[Marty]

We have 3 with RAD and it's been the hardest battle of our lives, over 11 years now. We have one child who is estranged from us, one who is healing and one who is empty as can be. I pray your journey will draw you closer to God and your children will allow Him to heal them.

[Kelly]

Can you point us in the right direction? We are currently fostering four girls with PTSD, and the more we read about RAD, the more sure we are that this is the issue. Can you point us to how you found your therapist? We are living in Washington State as well.