Just 2 hours until I hand my baby over to her new family. She'll be gone until Monday, then back for a few days before leaving permanently. Poor thing's getting smothered by me this morning (not to mention, by her siblings). How do I cram enough love in her to last her the whole weekend?
I know there are a lot of people praying for our family today, and I am very thankful.
I sent this info to the new family last night, thought I'd record it here, too:
K’s Best (Stuffed) Friends
“Baby”
The soft purple doll (Love Bug) was a gift from us to K for Valentine’s Day. We call her “Baby.” (As in “K, do you want Baby?“) I chose the love bug for her first doll because I called K “pincher bug” at the time. From the very first day we brought her home from the hospital, while I would feed K, she would reach her little hand under my arm, grab my tricep and pinch… HARD! Occasionally if she’s uneasy, she’ll still grab the skin on my arm and hold on tight. (Yes, it hurts! But it’s a source of comfort to her.) When she first started to snuggle “Baby”, we would recite the verse:
“Love the baby,
Hug the baby,
Chew on the baby’s antennas.”
And she would. I know it sounds a little strange, but I‘m sharing it because it’s something familiar to her, and she’s going to need familiar. She likes to hold her, look at her, and play with the little wisp of brown hair, or her antennas, of course. And most recently... throw her!
“Horror Cow”
K got the little blue and white cow in her stocking from us, on her first Christmas. Around that time, our other children were deep into the book series of “How to Train Your Dragon.” (We home school and they read A LOT.) I don’t know if you are familiar with the series (which is quite different from the movie), but in the first book, a group of young Vikings go on a quest to catch their first dragons. Fearing exile for his friend Fishlegs by not having caught a dragon, the main character, Hiccup makes a huge sacrifice by giving the dragon he caught to his friend, and narrowly escapes exile himself by swiping a teeny-tiny dragon at the last second while being chased out of the cave by an angry swarm of dragons he had accidentally awakened.
“Fishlegs had named his dragon Horrorcow. The “horror” bit was to make the poor creature sound at least a bit frightening. The “cow” bit was because for a dragon, she really was remarkably like a cow. She was a large, peaceful, brown creature, with an easygoing nature. Fishlegs suspected she might even be vegetarian.”
So it’s a tongue-in-cheek name. K’s stuffed cow is about the sweetest, gentlest looking creature you could imagine… just like the dragon Horrorcow in the books. We sometimes make her look like she’s flying to K… like she’s a dragon and not a cow. Just yesterday, K added to her vocabulary, “cow”, while she was playing with Horror Cow. (The other words she says discriminately are “Mama” and “Up.”)
Hilary, I am sobbing reading this. Maybe, just maybe, God will use your obvious Momma love for this baby to open the other family's eyes ... and makre sure this baby girl stays home. With you. With her FAMILY.
Posted by: Mary Grace | 06/24/2011 at 11:06 AM
Hilary, my heart is breaking because I know the pain that you are in from when they took V from me when Mark died. It was horrendous and I know your pain! It is an unjust system! Just know that God is here to comfort and calm your pain! I love you my friend and know that I am here for you whenever you may need me! Big hugs to all of you in the coming weeks as you try and make sense and heal from all of this!
Cindy
Posted by: cindy riley | 06/24/2011 at 12:54 PM
Praying for you, even as we pray for our own little one. Praying for miracles. It's the hardest thing on earth...
Lord, have mercy. Do not delay in answering our prayers. Surround with the Angel of your presence, both for K and her family. Turn this around - and bring K and our baby home, where they belong.
We trust You, as Martha said to Jesus, "even now."
He is able...
Posted by: Donna-Jean | 06/24/2011 at 02:51 PM
More tears as I read this. I'm continuing to pray for you, your family, and Baby K (who is, in my mind, a part of your family). I hope you don't mind that I shared your blog with some friends; we're storming Heaven for you and praying for a miracle.
Have you shared your blog with her biological brother's family?
Posted by: Kimberly | 06/24/2011 at 03:35 PM
Hopefully, they will continue to keep contact with you and your family. I can't help but feel a similarity with my experience as a birthmom :) As I had loved and cherished my little one for 10 months(yes those 10 months of pregnancy weren't just swollen feet and belly...we definitely had a bond and communicated) and my heart hurt as she went with her other family, I hoped they understood how much I loved her and would never forget her, worry for her and hold her in my heart.
Excuse the run on sentences :)
Again, I hope they understand how much you care for her and want to keep in touch, and will take all of the time you have had with her into consideration so that visits and communication will continue.
Posted by: Christy | 06/24/2011 at 09:27 PM