Fighting

Yes, I did send the letter to Baby K's Guardian Ad Litem.  In fact, it was an afterthought to remove the names and post it on my blog.  But I thought it the best way to share my authentic thoughts and the current happenings.

The GAL and I went back and forth several times that day.  She, quoting "policy", me trying to gently remind her (again and again) that policy is the job of the social workers... her job is to do what's in the best interest of this baby.  After the last e-mail from her, I didn't have it in me to respond again.  I was getting nowhere.  She informed me that just recently the birthmom's lawyer represented the party in another case... where the judge granted placement of an infant with it's 75 year old grandmother.  (K's great grandma that wants her is around 70.) 

Please don't misunderstand me... I value the role of family in a child's life, perhaps especially grandparents - the wisdom and experience that comes with age is invaluable, not to mention that special, doting love reserved only for grandchildren.  I appreciate that these grandmothers care enough about these babies to want to take them in.  But it seems so very unwise to put these tiny babies in the care of someone who will be in their 90s by the time they are grown... and won't necessarily make it that far.  How is that what's best for the child?

She also informed me of several cases recently, judged by this same commissioner, where children were in a stable, loving pre-adopt home for a year or more, and the commissioner granted custody to relatives, forcing the children to leave behind attachment and familiarity for the sake of "blood."  At the heart of my argument (an excerpt from one of my other e-mails to the GAL on Wednesday):

There NEEDS to be a distinction made in the law between people who happen to be related by blood, and those who are actually involved in a child's life. For the sake of attachment and continuity, a very involved neighbor is a more reasonable placement for a child than a relative they don't know, and siblings who have never met are a completely different situation than those who came into care together!

Things don't look promising, but we are refusing to give up.  God put this baby in our home for a reason, and we're not going to fail her.  Not with as much as we now know about attachment and the disastrous results of breaking them.  We'll do everything we can, and thankfully there's more proactive steps we can take than I realized, so that's the busy path I'm on this weekend.

I met with a friend in Seattle yesterday.  I dropped Brian and the children at the zoo, and headed to Starbucks to meet with her.  She has worked in the adoption field for a very long time, and contacted me to discuss some ideas. I'm SO glad she did... she had great info I likely wouldn't have thought of.  So thankful.

First on the list was to contact our adoption agency.  We have worked with them for 10 years, I have kept them abreast of the situation with K, and since termination has been filed for these birthparents, K should be considered "pre-adopt", which should bring our agency into the picture.  (Not to mention, they have a new program director who worked with the state for many years, and would hopefully be a help to our case by having that unique perspective.  Unfortunately I hit a roadblock there pretty much right away.  They are holding tight to "she's not legally free and we didn't place her with you."  Frustrating, considering how involved and helpful they were in Gideon and Molly's situation, who were also not legally free, nor were they placed by the agency.  But I did get a promise of a letter regarding our family's experience and ability to nurture and tackle the unique needs of adopted children.  So that's some help, at least.

Our therapist (who is now working with all FOUR of our big kids... wow.  That's for another post.) also offered to write a letter, stating his observations of us with K as well as the detriment it would be to break that attachment.  He's a veritable expert in the field of attachment and adoption, so hopefully that will hold some weight.

When I met up with Brian and the children at the zoo, I also took a minute to call K's pediatrician and ask her for a letter as well.  She has always been very supportive of her staying with us, and I'm hopeful she can write something to help our case, too.

A friend who has the same GAL for her daughter was able to get me the GAL's supervisor's contact info, so I'll be writing to her today with my concerns about the way things are going.  (Because honestly, I don't think she's doing her job, but I hope to come up with a better, less accusatory and offensive way to say that.)

I'll be contacting our lawyer.  (To be quite honest, I forgot we had one!  But my dear friend reminded me that we DO have an attorney, who has helped with our last 3 adoption and who has handled cases similar to this one... so I'll e-mail him today to see what, he can do for us.)

Beyond that, I'll be writing a letter to submit to K's file and another to the judge stating all of the reasons moving K would be devastating to her, and why leaving her here would be in her best interest.  I also need to formulate a "speech" of sorts - something concise to say in court on Tuesday, as it could be my very last chance.  The judge could decide K needs to be with her bio brother and order her moved THAT DAY!  Speaking in court is my one last chance... and I'm terrified.  I can write any letter I need to, but public speaking?  Heck, even PHONE CALLS unnerve me!  I speak much more clearly though my typing fingers than my mouth.  But it's what needs to be done, and of course I'll do it.  For K.

Comments

[Amy]

I am rooting for (and praying for) you. It doesn't matter if you're nervous when you speak- you don't need to be a polished public speaker; you need to let the judge hear the voice of K's mom. But I will pray for God's peace to fill your spirit.
You already know from G and M that God can bring back to you what you thought was lost; that you can trust in his plan even as you fight with every resource he puts in your path. And what a story of your love and devotion K will know of one day. This baby belongs with you. I don't know you personally and yet I can see it. I will pray for wisdom for the judge.

[Carrie]

I had a thought while reading this...I obviously think baby K needs to stay with you. Would it be possible to suggest that she stay with you but you have communication with her brother/grandma whoever they feel she needs to be with because of Blood? If there is a way to do that, even with her birth parents (do they not realize that if the state terminates they will not have communication with her? At least that has been my experience/understanding with state terminations). That way, when Baby K is older, she can have that "connection", but be raised by you, her loving parents. Hope that makes sense.

I am a little frustrated with the adoption agencies response to you. Glad you are getting your attorney involved. Praying for you and the rest of the involved parties that the right decision be made.

[Kimberly]

I'm praying hard for you!

[Dawn]

The judge will not expect you to be an excellent speaker. I must admit that I was so afraid in court my first time that I was almost whispering. The judge was really glad to see a foster parent with enough passion about the care of the child to show up in court and testify. I think you are on the right track. The attachment therapist letter should be especially helpful. My prayers are with you and baby K.

[Kristy]

Praying for you from Australia (as an adoptive mum and a foster mum). Trust in the Lord who is sovereign over everything, to give you the word to say.

Kristy