They wouldn’t let me turn anything in to the court or speak. They granted the move to her biological brother's house. Strangers. Fine people, I'm sure, but it's NOT what was best for this baby girl.
The state wants to start the transition right away. I had to BEG them to let me talk to our attachment therapist for advice before making the transition plan. Don't know if they'll accept his recommendations, but he favors a shorter transition. Babies don't understand "getting to know" a family. They just feel the abandonment over and over throughout the transition period.
They wanted to let the brother’s family take her for a few hours RIGHT THEN. I told them I really needed to be able to go home and talk to my family first, so they agreed to hold off for a few days... at which time the SW wants to have them take her for the whole weekend. She’s never spent a single night away from me. I cried for a good 2 hours. My eyes are dry, but my heart is heavy.
We can't do this anymore. Can't do this to our children. Another hurt, another abandonment for them... they've been through enough. We are done.
I am so sorry for your pain. May God pour out His peace and comfort on your family and sweet baby girl during this time.
Posted by: Kelly | 06/21/2011 at 10:05 PM
Physically hurting for you over here. This is so wrong.
Posted by: Renee Bergeron | 06/21/2011 at 10:34 PM
Tears and a heavy heart for you and your family, including Baby K. I am so disappointed that the powers that be did not put her interests at the forefront of this decision. I will be praying hard for all of you. This sweet girl has been truly blessed to have you in her life.
Posted by: Kimberly | 06/21/2011 at 10:57 PM
Completely ill about this my friend. I have tears as I think about the children in our lives that have been failed by this system. And now Baby K. Too.... i will be praying.
Posted by: sarah | 06/21/2011 at 11:21 PM
I am a lurker - reading but never commenting. My heart breaks for you. I don't even know you, but you are my sister in Christ and I stand with you as you grieve and rage. I will be praying for a miracle.
Posted by: JenniferS | 06/22/2011 at 12:29 AM
Hil, I am so sorry to hear this. So, so sorry.
Posted by: Corey | 06/22/2011 at 03:17 AM
I have never commented here before, but I have to today. I am so incredibly sorry and at the same time so angry with the 'system' that puts policy ahead of children. I have been praying for a miracle for your family. May God grant you peace in this travesty. Baby K has had the best start in life because of you and your love. I am still praying for a reversal.
Posted by: Rachel | 06/22/2011 at 04:49 AM
This is crushing! I am so sorry. This is the reason we stopped being foster parents. We couldn't stand being a spoke in the wheel. I am praying for a miracle.
Blessings,
Dawn
Posted by: Dawn | 06/22/2011 at 05:08 AM
I'm sorry. We understand because we too are a foster/adopt family and have walked this road of grief. The children are the sacrifice in this fallen world and system. The families that love them are also sacrificed. My peace, strength and grace during such a time as you are experiencing comes from Jesus Christ. Its not easy to walk through and I'm sorry your suffering.
Sincerely
Candi
Posted by: Candi | 06/22/2011 at 06:12 AM
Oh, how I ache for you today. I know this pain. We too have had to let go of our precious little one, KNOWING the damage it would cause her. May He bathe you in comfort, may He whisper His plan, may He reassure you of His love for you, your children and sweet Baby K. May you lay your pain down one day at the foot of His cross as a pleasing sacrifice of Love for your King. Because of your willing hands and hearts, she has known LOVE, she has known and seen His face shining in yours.
"Father, please hold our sister tight, allow her to crawl right up in your lap and grieve the loss of her baby. We don't understand, Lord - but we know that you are good... all the time. Please stand as a shield over this family as they process this loss and seek to find comfort and refuge in you in the coming weeks. Send those closest to them to minister to their family in a unique way that reassures them of your hand that is ever so close today. Father, it's not too late for a miracle. COME Lord, and MOVE for Baby K. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Posted by: Kelly | 06/22/2011 at 06:52 AM
Oh Hilary I am so so sorry, for you, for Brian, for Sam and Gideon and Hallie and Molly but most of all for K, who has known such a sweet and loving family. I'm sorry.
Posted by: Rebecca | 06/22/2011 at 07:40 AM
This sort of story always makes me wonder why was this child ever placed into a home that wanted to adopt her if policy dictates someone else is going to get her. Why didn't they give her to the biological brother's family to begin with? It's so frustrating that so many people have to go through this agonizing emotional turmoil because our system is broken. I am so sorry your family is going through this.
Posted by: Heather B | 06/22/2011 at 11:34 AM
I am so, so sorry. This system is just plain broken. Our hearts and prayers are with you.
Posted by: Angie Smartt | 06/22/2011 at 12:00 PM
A friend shared your blog with me because of what we, too, are going through. It's been 20 days since our 17-month-old (grand)baby left, and our grief knows no words. We pray throughout the day and night for our miracle - and I now pray for yours as well.
I know that when we rescue children from awful places, we know (just as if we were rescuing children from the rubble after a natural disaster) that we will get bruised, battered, and broken. But this pain is far worse.
Praying with Kelly for you and yours, and for precious Baby K. God is able. Feeling your broken heart, and praying for a miracle.
Posted by: Donna-Jean | 06/22/2011 at 02:01 PM
Still praying for a miracle. Still.
Posted by: Mary Grace | 06/22/2011 at 02:41 PM
Oh Hilary...I am so sorry. We will pray.
Posted by: Chessa Honey | 06/22/2011 at 03:35 PM
!?!?! - Some days I just don't understand how things like this can happen. I'm just grateful that God in His omniscience not only understands, but has a plan for Baby K, your family, and all the others impacted by her life's journey. Baby K is going on my permanent prayer list...she may not know it, but all her life, she will have prayer warriors praying on her behalf...and I will be one of them.
Posted by: Gwendie | 06/22/2011 at 04:01 PM
So very sorry. I know you must be overwhelmed. Praying that God will comfort you even when you don't understand.
Posted by: Marty | 06/22/2011 at 05:03 PM
No human words are sufficient to be a balm to your broken heart...I am so sorry! Sending love and prayers that He will wrap you in His arms and hold you there until the sun shines again!
Posted by: Lora | 06/23/2011 at 08:18 AM
Oh Hilary, I'm so sorry. Your family and baby K are in my prayers.
Is there any way you can contact the family that is going to take her? Give them some info on attachment, so that maybe perhaps they'll decide to relinquish the decision, or at least be well-prepared to help her throughout the rest of her life?
Take care of yourself, and remember, this world is too hard for you to do on your own--but you will never be given anything too hard to triumph over with Christ's help.
Posted by: Colleen | 06/23/2011 at 09:51 AM
I am biting my tongue in order to not offend with the words I have in my head that want to come out, but they aren't very Christlike so they will just stay in my head. I am SOOOOOO sorry that this is happening to not only you, but Baby K, Brian, and your older kids. This totally SUCKS! (that is as clean as I can get right now). My heart breaks for you. I am pissed with the state for doing this. Why did they NOT place her with them in the first place? That would have made more sense. I am so sad. We at the Robinson household will be praying for all of you, for peace and strength these next few days/weeks/months.
Posted by: Carrie | 06/23/2011 at 12:45 PM
Hilary, I am so sorry. I know your pain, even as an Auntie to one that got sent home after we were told time and time again that we were able to adopt her, I cried for days. She was with us from 18 months to 5 yrs old. I will never forget or stop loving her. She is and always will be my neice. I pray for u and your family. There is music- a free concert at Elizabeth park tonight if u feel up to it. I will watch for you. Hugs to you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss. :(
Teresa
Posted by: Teresa Lamb-Ramirez | 06/23/2011 at 12:45 PM
ooops sorry at six o'clock Elizabeth Park family friendly
Posted by: Teresa Lamb-Ramirez | 06/23/2011 at 12:46 PM
This is so wrong. I read this and I cried for you, your family and sweet baby K. My prayers are with you.
Posted by: Emily | 06/23/2011 at 01:50 PM
Fost/adopt for over 10 years and we've been through this more than once- it's hurtful and wrong and no one seems to know how to make the changes necessary to fix this system. It's one of the main reasons that we are adopting internationally this year, we just couldn't lose another child. Our only consulation is that these children have had a time in their lives when they were safe, fed, loved, encouraged, and part of a family that cares- hopefully that will stop the cycle that many of these families are caught up in. Blessings for your family.
Posted by: Michelle Johnson | 06/26/2011 at 10:55 AM