I think I fell asleep before 9 last night. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Physically I hadn't done much... so it had to have been my brain that was dragging me down.
I'm homeschooling my kids again this year. You know, the ones that are still at home. (Molly is still in Mississippi.) Sam is now in 7th grade, Gideon in 6th, and Hallie in 5th. They spent a year and a half in public school after their dad moved out (I needed time to regroup), and while it did give me the break I needed... I'm still fighting the apathy they learned there.
My impression of school after that time was that they were mostly required to fill a seat...
I know they weren't required to do homework... not really... because I found most of it crammed in bookcases, dropped under the table, crumpled in backpacks, etc, and never turned in... and they still pulled out decent grades. And at the middle school level, I was able to look at Sam's assignment lists, and the list read: missing-missing-excused-excused-missing-excused-excused-excused-missing... he convinced his teachers he couldn't do the work, and they ultimately didn't expect him to. (To be fair, he had ONE great teacher that seriously saw his ability and had standards for him, but most did not.)
I know they weren't required to have good behavior... not really... because when Hallie was bullying a special needs student in her class, the call I got from the principal started with "Hallie's not in trouble." I had to BEG them to give her consequences for her unkind and unacceptable behavior. When I caught Gideon with a calculator stolen from the classroom and being used to cheat on his math, I reported it to his teacher and got the blow off. And the supervision plan we had for Molly the first year (to keep the other kids safe) was evidently not passed on to the new teacher the second year. To top it off, I got more than one call from Sam's school that contained the phrase "Normally a kid would be suspended for this... but..."
So this year... I spend all day getting in the middle of fights between them, managing anger outbursts, getting them back on track to do their school work, and enduring screaming rages because they don't get freetime when their work isn't done, and I require a score of 80% to move on (I don't give my kids schoolwork to keep them busy... I expect them to LEARN the information before moving on.) In school they didn't HAVE to do the work. So getting them to do it here is like pulling teeth.
Yesterday was an all out battle. From the moment they woke up until the time *I* fell asleep... (because I think I still heard them talking in their room long past when I grasped the last threads of consciousness.)
I think if I'd known the effect of that short time in school would create this intense of an uphill battle, I would have just found the strength to power through in homeschooling.
Let me be clear, I am NOT in any way saying this would be the experience for other people... My kids are difficult to start with, their wounds are deep and their need for control intense because of the Reactive Attachment Disorder. That's a big part of why we are struggling. It just didn't work for THEM.
Today is another day. I'm starting it with prayer, in hopes of surviving.