So... I told you we'd found a spectacular therapist for Molly. We drive an hour and a half each way (well, more like an hour and a half there, three hours back) to get to his office, but he's worth it. Everything I've read about GREAT attachment therapy matches up with exactly what he's doing, so I have a lot of confidence in his ability.
Last weekend he e-mailed me to let me know he'd be in town visiting a friend, and wondering if I'd like him to stop by. (He wanted to confront Molly about the holes she has kicked in the walls in her room, and hopefully interrupt a tantrum.) Yes, please! Her bedroom is very small, but I was impressed with the way he strategically stood in her room (with us nearby), taking command of the space. He made it apparent that she would have to answer to him when she destroyed things in anger - that she wouldn't get away with acting out her anger instead of speaking it just because his office was far away. Let me be clear, he's not mean to them... but he's direct and speaks with authority (and experience), which is exactly what these children who strive for constant control need.
While he was here, he also took the opportunity to talk with the other children for a few minutes. The timing was perfect... since they ALL had appointments with him the next day!
I won't share a lot about the session itself, since this is my children's journey and not public. But I will say I was shocked by some of my children's behaviors and answers in the office. I learned a ton about one of my children, making me question much of what I'd previously thought about that one, and one other child opted for outright defiance and pitched a fit right there in the office! If I could summarize the visit, I would say I came to the conclusion that even the children we've had since we were very young have some serious attachment issues. (And lest you think the therapist is telling us this to drum up more business... he didn't. Those conclusions were from my own observations.) I again am anxiously awaiting our next visit (this afternoon), and remain so thankful that we found this therapist.
I would go as far as to say we feel like we have an answer to why we are going through all of this turmoil with Malaika... because without it we never would have fought to seek out an expert in attachment that will be able to ultimately help ALL of our children.
Unfortunately in the midst of the stress (between the attachment stuff, and Baby K's uncertainty, and just the trials of life itself, I'm finding myself battling a pretty big war with depression. And that's very new for me. I have yet to figure out what to do about it, but there it is.