I mentioned this past weekend, some friends and I went to a post-adoption conference. 800 parents, in the trenches, there for connection and education and resources and, well... hope.
This is just a quick post to touch on a quote before I forget. One of the speakers said during their presentation that he and his wife have adopted the policy our government once stated...
"We do not negotiate with terrorists."
RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) kids can argue better than anyone. They will argue that the sky is purple, that the grass is orange, and that they didn't touch the cupcake... you know, that one... visibly sitting in their hand? Chronic, Crazy Lying... and any excuse to argue.
I try very hard not to argue with my kids. Not that they make it easy. They will fight on relentlessly... even if you aren't fighting back. (Contrary to popular belief it does NOT, in fact, take 2 to fight. It takes 2 to have peace.) When you've given a clear answer and they still feel the need to try to try to fight for their way, just tell them you don't negotiate with terrorists. No means no. Later means later. Their arguing can (and does) turn "wait" into "no" so fast their heads will spin. The new line at that point, when I've given my answer and they still feel the need to fight for their own way is just that... "I don't negotiate with terrorists."
That may sound really harsh to those of you who don't have RAD kids. But those who do... you'll get this. I used the line on my daughter earlier this week, and she spat back "I'm not a terrorist!" So I looked it up for her.
By definition, a terrorist is:
someone who uses violence
to create fear
in order to control or manipulate
"Does that sound like you?", I asked her.
"Well, yeah, but not ALL the time!"
"That's true," I replied. "And sometimes the 9/11 hijackers were just nice guys sitting around the table having dinner and talking with their families."
She walked away.