Making A Home

Changes

Lots of silence around here lately.  I hope to get back into it... but I think I've been avoiding this post.  Time to just get it out there and move forward.  The school year is about to start again, and we have lots of fun planned.  I want to record it for our family record (blog book), and while this post holds me up, I can't do that.

So... here's the deal.  Brian and I are separated.  Heading toward divorce.  We are in negotiation (amicably, without professional or legal involvement) over details, like the house and the children.  Lots to decide.  Do the kids and I stay here, and he gets an apartment, or do I get an apartment and have a "fresh start" (and no responsibility for maintenance) with the children, and they'll have the familiarity of this home when they are with daddy?  I'm leaning toward the latter.  And what kind of visitation schedule do we set up?  Lots to decide. 

I'm not going to spill all the details of our splitting up here.  Just know it's what we know is right, despite the spiritual implications.  Those closest to us know a lot of the details... but still not all.  It's an unfortunate situation, but we're making the best of it.  And I think I'll just leave it at that.

We both can use support during this time and the changes to come.  If you can be supportive, we thank you.  If you can't... well, I'm afraid I'll have to respectfully ask you to keep your criticism to yourself.  We've been around and around this, and we're past the point of being talked out of it... you'll only alienate yourself from us by telling us how wrong we are.  (Yes, we've had plenty of that.)  You have every right to THINK it... just keep it to yourself, please.  It's not helpful.

Since I know a lot of you follow this blog for updates on the children (and our adoption and fostering journey), let me assure you, the kids are doing great.  Their therapist was involved (as was mine) with us telling them about the separation, and both have been a huge support.  The kids are thriving.  In a lot of ways, I think they are dealing with this very healthily.  They are sharing their feelings, talking through things, and it's not unrelated to our deciding to "be real" and not fake this marriage anymore. 

So... that's that.  Hopefully the blog can return to a more normal schedule now that the elephant in the room has been identified.

Quotables (from Facebook) 2011... so far.

I realized during a discussion with my husband the other night that I'm posting more and more of the funny quotes to facebook instead of preserving them on my blog.  (Remember, we make family yearbooks out of the blog, and have really enjoyed re-living a lot of the memories of past "kid-quotes.")  So I'm scouring my facebook posts for some of the quotables and "moments", just so we'll have them here for the blog book.

We'll start with one from today:

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Gideon had been sent to his bed to chill out after a major meltdown.  I was hoping to invite him back out, but wanted to make sure something had sunk in.

Mom: "Gideon, have you learned anything this morning?"
Gideon: "Mmfmfmmsmfmfm..."
Mom: "I can't hear you, Gid."
Gideon: "MMfmFMmmsmfmfMF..."
Mom: "Gideon, Molly's coughing right next to me, the baby's babbling, and the water is running in the kitchen, you're going to have to speak up for me to be able to hear you."
Gideon: "I LEARNED NOT TO RAISE MY VOICE TO YOU!!"
Mom: "Oh. Good." :)

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Easter 2011

After making "Resurrection Cookies" last night with the children, and letting them help this morning with the "Resurrection Rolls", Sam saw me getting out the potatoes to start breakfast and asked "Now are you making Resurrection Hash Browns?!"

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Gideon: (Working on his schoolwork) I need a vegetable that starts with "A". Is an antelope a fruit or a vegetable?

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"I DON'T love you, but I love your food, and the clothes you buy me!" (Thanks, daughter. I think that just about gives me all the warm fuzzies I need this week.)

(This was Molly, and I post it here so that I can hopefully look back on the absurdity and laugh... when her attachment disorder isn't running so rampant!)

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Oops, just found out Baby K knows how to drink from a straw! I was holding her and my Cool Coffee Cream... next thing I knew there was a bit leaking out of the corner of her mouth!

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Just finished a wooden 3-D frog puzzle/model. Why is it that the children's projects always end up in my lap to finish? Gideon is adding the googly eyes himself... guess that means he made it. ;)

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My eldest put his laptop on the ground (despite countless reminders, lectures, etc about where it goes)... then proved he knew where it belongs by putting it away to cover up the fact that he STEPPED on it and cracked the screen. He's in his bed until I can look at him without wanting to scream.

(Thanks to Stephani Z's suggestion, we found someone who replaced the screen for $100! Yay!)

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Fired the counselor last night. She was sweet... but didn't "push" enough. Can't find anyone around here who knows what to do with attachment disorder, and one of my children needs something MUCH more intensive... which probably means driving to the Seattle area several times a month... and a nice big price tag.

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DO NOT tell my children that Spring Break starts tomorrow! I'd rather take our break when the sun is shining and we can hang out at the beach! We'll pass on being cooped up (by the rain) with no school work this week, thankyouverymuch.

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Just got back from taking my children to a labyrinth at a local park. Perfect to go along with our Greek study! They LOVED it... (well, all but that one who would rather whine and fuss and cry loudly than just follow the path! The others went through it 3-4 times each, laughing and grinning the whole way.) Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera, or even my Droid!

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Just PAID OFF our student loans! Once and for all!!! We are SO going out to celebrate tonight.

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HELP!! I'm up early, my children are all asleep, my husband is at work and my COFFEE MAKER isn't working!!! Can't even ENJOY the quiet!

Hooray for good customer service! 10 minutes on the phone with Keurig and they are sending out a whole new brewer! (1-2 days processing, 5-7 days shipping.) In the meantime, I'll be getting my "spare" back from my mother, now that they finally bought one for themselves.

Figured if I needed to go out for coffee anyway, might as well keep driving. Now we are at the zoo! Studying birds.

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Could it be? Handyman should be coming Monday to start the install process of... a DISHWASHER! (Assuming he doesn't get called away to an out of town job first.) Pathetically excited.

Ah, bummer. Dishwasher guy had to reschedule. Get used to those dishpan hands, kiddos...

(Been trying to get a dishwasher put in for MONTHS... as of late April, still trying to get ahold of the guy, who said he had to do a job in Oak Harbor, then we were next!  It's been well over a month.)

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Nature kinda stinks sometimes... We're watching "The Crimson Wing" for science and NOT enjoying seeing the Maribou Storks killing all the baby flamingos. Hallie's in tears.

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Just got back from Hallie's first audition (for a local production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang). Wow. She blew me away. I had no idea she had talent like that! HAD to take her out for ice cream after a terrific job like that! List will be posted Friday.

She made it! Hallie will be in the Kid's Chorus of Northwest Washington Theatre Group's production of "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" at the MBT in May! (Now to figure out this rehearsal schedule!)

And we're diving right in! Hallie had a 3 hour rehearsal tonight, another 3 hours tomorrow morning. Then we're off until Tuesday, I think. Anyone have any size 13/1 jazz or ballet shoes they want to sell for a good price?

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Crazy day. Strong winds this morning blew our rolling gate right off our back fence. Husband had to intervene when a crazy drunken lady was harrassing our girl scouts selling cookies at Fred Meyer and trying to take their cookie money (police apprehended her). AND baby's birthmom exposed her to the flu during her visitation - hoping she doesn't catch it (nor the rest of us!)

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IRS... It's on its way... And you owe me, bigtime. Get my deposit ready!

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We have a tooth!!! Baby K just popped through her first tooth this morning at not even 5 months old (Sam and Hallie were both almost a year old when they got their first!) - lower left. And the lower right is not far behind!

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Hallie after coming in from outside: "My hands are COLD... and I can't warm them up too fast or I'll get CHILBLAINS!!!" (Seriously... look it up!)

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Busy 2 days making breakfasts ahead for the freezer - breakfast burritos and mcmuffins. I have 8 meals complete and the makings for 8 more... but I'm running out of freezer space!! (And the boys have a scout meeting tonight, so I'm running out of time to rearrange and make room!) I have a feeling I'll be cooking late into the evening when we get home tonight.

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I always said I would really LISTEN to my children. Then God gave me Sam. He's in the middle (hopefully at least the middle) of another wandering Asperger's monologue. A few sentences in, my brain involuntarily shuts down.

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Some days I think morning sickness, back pain, labor, and even someone dancing on your bladder MUST be easier than the emotional turmoil and uncertainty of trying to adopt, and not knowing if or when this baby will be ripped from my arms. But not having been on the other side... I can truly only guess.

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"Do not expect the rewards of this family if you do not accept the responsibilities of this family."

 

Greek Feast

If you recall, we've been studying Ancient Greece for a couple of months now.  And finally, we had our Greek Feast.  After church a few weeks ago, we headed out to a local Greek Restaurant.

 
They had a sampler meal that was just what we needed.  (Sorry, the photos are on my cell phone, and with several courses we dove in before remembering to photograph it!)

It included 2 Greek Salads (lettuce, onion, cucumber, green pepper, tomato, feta, kalamada olives, and Greek dressing.)

 

Tiropita (puff pastry with feta cheese) and Spanakopita (same, but also with spinach).

 

Moussaka (Layers of spiced ground beef, tender eggplant, and potato topped with a creamy Bechamel sauce), Dolmades (Grape leaves stuffed with rice and seasoned ground beef, topped with an egg-lemon sauce), Greek Ribs (delicious, tender, and falling apart) and Rice Pilaf.

 

We added to our order Chicken Souvlakia (Cubed meat on a skewer, marinated in a mixture of Greek herbs and spices - most of the children's favorite dish of the day.)

 

And Brian's personal favorite, a Gyro (Four strips of gyro meat, served over a pita bread with raw onions, fresh tomatoes and tzatziki sauce).

 

I was so proud of my crew.  Most of them are NOT very adventurous when it comes to new foods, but they tried EVERYTHING.  They all had their favorites and their... not so favorite dishes. 

 

(Who am I kidding, *I* am not terribly adventurous when it comes to food.  I have simple tastes and a sensitive stomach.)  As I said, the sampler was perfect - a taste of everything but not too much of anything.  And still everyone had their fill.  And besides that, had a fun, educational experience.

We finished off the meal with, what else?  Baklava!  (Which the children loved, of course)

 

And Greek Coffee... which was an interesting experience, but not one we'll likely order again!

 

Valentine's Day, Part 2

I'm only 2 weeks behind!  :)

These came to the door around noon:

 

Nice husband.  :)

Right after the delivery, we headed out the door to the movie theatre to see Gnomeo and Juliet.  (Seemed fitting for Valentine's Day.)  Another homeschooling friend was taking her children (on the other side of the state) and I liked the idea, so I nabbed it.  (Thanks Mary!)

 

There was an incident with the theatre, unfortunately, and they sent us all to the wrong auditorium, where the children were exposed to terribly inappropriate previews and more than once I almost got up and left.  When the feature presentation started it was the new Adam Sandler movie "Just Go With It."  We (along with nearly everyone else in that theatre) stood up and walked out to find a manager to fix the problem.  He redirected us and we got settled in our seats before the movie officially started.  (Unfortunately I was still reeling with all my children had just seen and wishing I'd walked out when I first had the inkling, it took me 20 minutes or so to settle in and enjoy what we were watching.)  It wasn't spectacular, but it was cute.

For dinner, I nabbed an idea I found online - A Mystery Dinner! 

I made a full menu (caesar salad, spaghetti & meatballs, garlic bread, cupcakes, etc), but gave each dish (and each utensil, beverage, etc) a "code name".  A knife was "cupid's arrow", pasta was "poetry", water was "love"...  Then the children (and Brian, who was a great sport and played along) each wrote what they wanted for each course (3 items for each course) and the meal began. 

The fun part is when their course ends up like this: 

 
For Brian's first course, he got plain linguini, a knife, and a napkin.  At one course, Molly got spaghetti sauce, water, and "Champagne" (grape juice concentrate mixed with sparkling water.)  She had no utensils yet, so she slurped up the sauce with her lips!  Brian's second course was a fork, a spoon, and parmesan cheese! 

Sam was a bit of a poor sport, and grumbled through much of the meal about what others had that he didn't. (Sigh.) Hallie just sat and didn't begin eating until she had finally been served EVERYTHING.  (Which I still considered a bit of a poor sport!)  But the rest of us had fun!

For Valentine's gifts, we gave the girls dainty little cross necklaces and chocolates, the boys got chocolates and cases to hold their DS games, Baby K got to try a bit of applesauce for the first time (she loved it!)  I gave Brian candy and a card, he sent me the flowers, of course, and also gave me a candy bar (dark chocolate with almonds and candied orange pieces - yum!)... and a 1 month subscription to Hulu Plus (for watching TV on-demand from online, on our TV, through our Roku box... without cable.  We wanted to try it out, and it seemed as good a time as any!)

All In A Day: Introduction

Although I barely think we qualify with just 5 children...
And although I'm already 2 weeks behind...
And although I still owe you a "Valentine's Day Part 2" post...

I thought I'd jump in and join the fun.

"All in a Day" is a group of large families blogging about how we get things done (or likely sometimes, how I don't!)  I'm not part of the original group that started these posts, but I'm along for the ride.

Week 1 (like I said, that was actually 2 weeks ago and I'm just now getting around to joining) was "Introductions." 

 

I'm Hilary.  Wife to Brian, mom to 4, foster mom to 1. 

We live in a tiny house (less than 1000 sq ft, which is pretty tiny considering it's inhabited by 7 people, possibly more someday) in a large town/small city in Northwest Washington.  Brian works in the mobile phone industry and I'm a homemaker and homeschooling mom.  I used to enjoy crafting and scrapbooking, but just channel that creativity into schooling my children these days.  For fun we like to go to the zoo, the beach and throw school-related parties with friends.  For sanity, I get together weekly with some other adoptive moms at "Grump Therapy", which is really just coffee and comraderie.  (Currently we are also viewing a video series on parenting children with attachment disorder, which has been enlightening!)  But back to my family...

Brian met his friend Scott in college.  I met Scott on America Online (back in the day when that WAS the "social network"), and we became friends in real life, too.  When Brian moved from Michigan back to Washington to share the rent on Scott's parents house, Scott introduced us.  The three of us went to Red Robin for dinner, then to an Advent concert at their Alma Mater.  During the course of dinner, Brian and Scott told me the story about Brian accidentally kicking an old man in the bathroom in college (thinking it was Scott in the next stall), and despite the fact that I'm sure that sounds cruel and heartless, I was cracking up and found it refreshing that he was able to be so honest and laugh at his embarassing mistake, while still obviously feeling bad about his part in the escapade.  I strategically placed myself between the two men at the concert, giving me a chance to chat with both of them, and the rest, as they say, is history.  Brian proposed 6 months later and we married within a year of that first meeting.  (He came with a coffee maker and a garbage bag full of clothes.)

Reproductive issues on both sides made adoption a no-brainer.  (It's a matter of odds, really.  Spend tens of thousands on fertility treatments and still have no guarantee of a baby, or spend less on adoption and be guaranteed a child?  One that needed a home anyway.)

Sam (4th from the left in the photo) is our first and oldest child (currenly 9 1/2).  He came home at 1 year old, blond-haired, blue-eyed, chubby-cheeked and with an amazing sense of humor.  He was late walking and talking, but super smart.  When he was 6, we finally got an Asperger's diagnosis.  (High Functioning Autism.)  He never stops making noise or moving, but also never stops thinking and planning and figuring things out.  He's going somewhere, that one. 

Hallie (far right) came home next, just a year after Sam.  She's his full sibling and came to us at 3 weeks old, our first baby.  She is currently 7 1/2, also blonde/blue, and with more spunk than her tiny frame can contain.  She likes anything girly - princesses, fairies, tea parties and dolls, but also has to be reminded frequently that it's not appropriate to tackle boys to the ground.  She walked early (9 months), talked early, read early (3 years) and keeps us on our toes.  We'd have our hands full with Hallie even if she was an only child. 

Gideon (2nd from left) is our second-oldest (also 9 years old).  He's somewhat the opposite of Sam, appearance-wise.  Slender, with black hair and chocolate-brown eyes.  He comes across as quiet and shy, but I assure you, that boy can make noise with the best of them.  He likes sports and video games and movies and playing outside.  He arrived at the age of 7 (then again at 8) with his full biological sister...

Malaika (far left) is our youngest permanent child.  She is 7, like Hallie (2 sets of "virtual twins"), but arrived at 5, then again at 6.  (They were placed with us for adoption, taken from us by an aunt, but returned to us 7 months later, then we finalized their adoption 5 months after that.)  Malaika (Molly) is also a girly-girl, and loves princesses and jewels and dress-up.  She can be very sweet when she wants to be, but extremely stubborn and antagonistic when she so chooses.  (We're working through some attachment difficulties, but have great hope that the sweet, fun, creative, loving girl we've seen glimpses of awaits us on the other side of these challenges.)

We became foster parents in order to adopt, but have taken a few shorter-term placements in the meantime.  (See sidebar on the left.)  Most recently, we are fostering "Baby K", whom we picked up from the hospital at 3 days old in October.  The "very very short term" placement has now been with us over 4 months and is every bit a part of our family.  We adore her and would adopt her in an instant if given the chance.  In fact, her birthparents told me to my face they wanted us to adopt her... but a week later were making all kinds of other plans.  So we'll have to wait this one out and see what comes of it.  You can't NOT get attached to a baby this sweet, and even the children are hopelessly in love with her.

And I think that's all I have to say about that!  Looking forward to the next topic.  (Maybe I'll even catch up and get on schedule!!)

In Which Winter Comes Early

I don't remember ever having snow on the ground for nearly a week before Thanksgiving.  I flurry here or there perhaps, but never like this.

It snowed Friday night, and it was quickly apparent that "trace to 1 inch" was turning into 3 or 4. I certainly don't mind.  I love snow.  I love the beauty of it (until two neighbor dogs decided to spend the next evening wrestling over every square foot of my pristine front yard!)  I love the fun and traditions (snow play followed by hot chocolate and snow donuts).  And mostly, I love being snowed in.  Of course, Brian still has to get to work, so it isn't so convenient for him!

I had told the children there was a possibility of snow, and Hallie noticed it first, from her bed, at about 9pm.  She YELLED to alert the rest of us.  Always wanting my children's good memories to outweigh the times I said "no" to harmless fun... I told them they were welcome to dance in the front yard for a few minutes while the snow fell.

 
 
 

 

 
 

The next morning they were up early and couldn't wait to get out there and play.  Here are my girls all dressed up for snow...

 

Seriously??  Yes, I sent them back for sweatshirts and jackets. 

 

Hallie lasted about her usual 7 minutes out there, then came back in "freezing!"  The others lasted longer, but within 30 minutes, they were all back in, ready for hot chocolate (with whipped cream and sprinkles), and waiting for me to finish the homemade donuts (tradition for the first time snow covers the ground each year.)

 

 
 
 
 
 

 

Saturday morning, we had every intention of going to the adoption movie, dropped the baby at a babysitter (a kind friend just 2 blocks away) and got all of 2 more blocks before my husband decided the roads were just too slick and we'd have to skip the movie.  Thankfully, we still had Toy Story 3 waiting at home, that we hadn't gotten to watching yet since it came out on DVD.  So all was not lost, but we were still bummed to have missed the movie.

Lots of hearty winter food this week: beans and rice, chili, homemade chicken noodle soup (with homemade noodles), parmesan pasta with homemade spaghetti, mac and cheese with homemade macaroni, and tonight I'm planning Taco Soup.

I finished my blog 2008 blog book and uploaded it for publishing (FedEx brought it today!  Hooray!)

I'm organizing the dreaded "utility drawer" (among other things) and I'm getting ahead on printing and copying things for our homeschooling that I always seem to scramble on each Sunday night and Monday Morning.  Snow works for me.

 

Why write a blog post...

When I can just send you to a friend's blog post about us?

http://bakersdozen.typepad.com/a_bakerss_dozen_daily_lif/2010/11/happily-ever-after-bellingham-family-photographer.html

It's so much easier.

Who wants to write about us tomorrow?  <wink>

Reposting... (Holiday Essay)

Because it's just that true and helpful.  I didn't write the following essay, but I've seen it online before and a friend just recently posted it and that prompted me to do the same.

All four of our children have special needs to some extent, whether it be Asperger's, ADD, Attachment Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder, prenatal drug or alcohol effects or other neurological difficulties.  If you are spending time with our family this holiday season, the following essay has some helpful tips that may explain some of why we do things the way we do, and what supports us best.  If you have other friends or family with special needs children, no doubt they would appreciate the same considerations.

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THIS HOLIDAY SEASON...

Respect our boundaries - all the time, but especially during the holidays.

Know that if we have to opt out of a family event, we are just as bummed about it as you are and don't need additional guilt about our decision.

Trust that we ALWAYS have the best interest of our children in mind, even when you don't understand or agree with our parenting methods.

If you have parented a child with similar mental health issues, we want to hear about it.
If you haven't, please don't offer unsolicited advice.
And, please, only ask about therapy if you're inquiring as to how you can support us.
If you're just curious or looking for an opportunity to be critical / wise / advice giving; please don't ask.

Telling us that they just need 'lots of love' implies that we're not giving it to them and that's why they are not better.

Speaking negatively about them, their behavior and/or our parenting in front of them is never acceptable.

Listen to us. Our family story is painful and we need to processes with those who love us the most.
Tell us that you love us and that your heart breaks for us.

Remind us that God is driving this ship and we can't really screw it up as long as we are honoring him.

Offer to take our other children (or even one or two) off our hands for a while when one is struggling the most.

And, please don't be offended if we don't leave one of them alone with you. It can still be very triggering for them to be separated from us and we need to use our best judgement about what they can handle and when.

I know that this will sound more harsh that it's intended - but, when it comes to our children, your needs (extended family and friends) are not even on our radar.

Celebrate our successes (even if it seems remarkably minor to you).
And encourage us when our family is experiencing painful regression.

Know that we likely have broken the bank financially and will continue to do so until we trust that our children have a foundation of healing. We are not available to spend lots of money on entertainment, travel, gifts and/or visits - likely for a long, long time.

Remind us to foster our marriage. It's easy to drift apart when our children's needs are so severe.

Help us to be healthy - I don't need a chocolate cake when I'm hurting (and the shame that follows a binge). I need you to initiate taking a walk with me.

Tell me that I'm a good mom, if you believe that I am, even though I'm not parenting my children the way you parented / are parenting yours.

And, if you can really only hear one thing about parenting children with mental health struggles, please know that despite my immense love for them, I suffer deeply as their mother - whether I let you see that or not.

Siblings

We're constantly working on sibling squabbles over here.  We require (yes, require) our children to be best friends.  We started reading through the book "Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends" a while back, and I was enjoying the lessons, but our children seemed unable (at their current ages... I hope it will improve later) to relate the experiences of the children in the book to their own situation.  It was always about "those other kids."  So we plug on, requiring love and kindness, and trying our best, sinners though we may be, to model the same.

I've been trying to find something more intentional than "sorry" to make sure the children are ready to come back together and play nicely after having to be separated during a squabble.  This poem I wrote seems to do the trick most days.  (And yes, it's a bit of brainwashing at the same time, but for the good of all.)  It's not so easy to recite while still holding a grudge.  Especially when I make them do it in unison, so they have to cooperate to match speed and tone.

Here's a video of my girls, reciting.  (If you're on a Reader, you'll probably have to click over to the blog to see it.)

And the text of the poem (he/she & brother/sister are interchangeable, so it works for all of the children):

This is my awesome sister,
God chose her just for me.
God uses her to bring to light
the sinfulness He sees.
We're learning to be patient,
we're learning to be kind,
and rather than be selfish
keep each other's needs in mind.
I'll always love my sister,
We'll be the best of friends,
And if we forget to act that way,
we'll say this poem again!

Boys Camping Trip

I realized I blogged about what we girls were doing inside while the boys were camping, but didn't post photos of THEIR weekend!  (Not that I have many... taking photos is more my thing than Brian's, and I only walked through the campsite a few times!)

 

We started this tradition when Sam turned 7, and the plan was that once the children were 7 years old, they'd get to go on a yearly outing with mom or dad.  The boys (7 and older) would go camping each Summer, and the girls (7 and older) would spend a night hanging out at a hotel (girly camping, I guess.  I do enjoy camping, but the thought of going without manly protection doesn't thrill me, so a hotel it is!)

 

The boys were going to camp at Birch Bay State Park for a night, but the days Brian was able to get off work just happened to coincide with the Cub Scout popcorn sale dates, so they opted to trade one night in a park for 2 nights in our backyard.  They camped here (and we did our best to stay away, so it would FEEL more like they were out somewhere wild), sold popcorn each afternoon, and spent one day out at the state park exploring and having fun. 

 

The first year Sam and Brian went camping, I was a bit too controlling... I planned meals, shopped, did advance preparation for some of the meals, packed for them... and then a friend reminded me none-to-bluntly "Isn't this THEIR trip?"  Hmm... So this year I provided minimal input on the menu (basically reminding Brian he'd need to get some food, and offering a few suggestions for easy things to cook.)  Then he did the planning, shopping, cooking, etc. by himself.  And he did great!  They had fun, and had enough to eat and I got to blissfully keep my big nose out of it!  (A little more each year.)